Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
