if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
