True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i've created a new STD.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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