$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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