guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
