So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
