We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think i got beer on your cat.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
