Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
