everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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