Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
