You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
