Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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