Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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