i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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