You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
