i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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