I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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