He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
