i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
