ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
