I got chris browned last night
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
