Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
