tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They took my balls.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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