i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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