i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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