You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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