I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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