If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
