Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
