just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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