You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
