he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
