I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
