I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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