Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just blew my weed a kiss
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
