So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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