how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
