I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
