all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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