Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
