Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
