if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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