Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
