i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
