How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
