Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
