dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
