I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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