went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
