Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
