y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Panties = found
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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